RSSUnforgiven
Mar 05
They say life’s road is of paths chosen that can lead in numerous directions. Most paths chosen are not thought out only, at best, pondered. The frame of mind at the crossroads is the factor that triggers choice, either for good results or negative.
How of the mind then, at the moment of choice for options or paths to go down, can a healthy, sane individual choose self-destruction? All the while, knowing full well the certain ramification to be enforced.
Is it insanity defined by laws of land? Is it possibly insanity of the medical academia?
Or is it a momentary disconnect, a cognitive dissonance, so that evil is able to plod through human axons? And is this the evil that great religions tell their devout followers?
To cope with choices that have destructive ramifications or, at least to seem, act normal according to those who define normal in a given society, you believe you are normal—or as the adage says, “Fake it ‘till you make it.”
To forgive oneself can be a path. Maybe, but then you must admit the evil deed meted out. If one cannot cope with the forgiving, for one believes it is not forgivable, then what and how does one continue?
Does he change? Can he change? Will he change?
There are grievous crimes that we, a society of the United States of America, deem capital in nature and dictate death if falling under certain parameters.
Then, as a secular society would deem, if execution is performed, “unforgiven” is a proper tag. For all other murders concluding in life sentence (natural life), “unforgiven” then at death?
And how with 20, 30, 40, etc. years or more is he unforgiven at the end of sentence as he emerges the gates of prison?
Stigmas are attached, I submit, forever, never to be forgiven. And should never be, mostly in murder cases. An individual must never rest in his mind for the evil disconnect, the momentary insanity.
Others may forgive if so motivated. But the perpetrator must live, relive on a loop with those moments.
For those special athletes who kill, those who buy freedom with mere slaps on the wrist, should be constantly reminded by those who make there life possible—the fans.
My belief is, and has always been, you take a life, you lose your life. Or my life’s freedoms for all my life.
This did not change on that November 4th when a choice was made. Nor July 5th did it change in court. Nor does it change November 2010, locked away till death.
I remain unto myself “unforgiven”. There are those who have forgiven and that is a personal choice for them. There are these who never will.
I ask myself, “Am I an abomination of life? Evil?” With great relief and honesty, I am not. But I remain guilty of my crime and to me, unable to forgive, I remain unforgiven and sane.
And do I believe these last few points? Absolutely!
I am the same man that had great-moments-in-the-sun with good intents and a full heart. I work on life as it is and walk the chosen, gothic-like path, thorn lined as it is, trying to glimpse the green fields beyond.
Mar 05, 2010 @ 14:25:31
I think to not forgive ones self is probably as self destructing as doing the original crime. Though obviously never having this type of crime notched in my belt, there are many things that one can do in life to carry as great a guilt as anyone, as guilt just as any other emotion is only as strong as each individual deems it. And it has been my experience that you can never truly move on until you have forgiven yourself. To forgive is not to forget. It is not saying that once you forgive you are in some sub world ‘let off the hook’, you are just simply putting a period at the end of your proverbial sentence in order to start a new one. There will always be haunting memories of the reason behind the guilt that we all carry, there will always be days that out of the blue that memory comes at us like a freight train and we are floored. Forgiving ourselves need not be easy but should be an option that is worth striving for, in any account. It may be easier to forgive others and it may also be easier to imagine forgiving someone who has done the same exact thing as us, and then easier yet to hide behind what we’ve done in order to somehow define ourselves now that we have stripped ourselves of any definition that may have been there before our indiscretions. But it seems very backwards in that the very thing we now define ourselves by is the very thing that stripped away everything we once new ourselves as. In order to move past that and begin to open a new dictionary we must forgive ourselves, and it is only in that very moment can we accomplish making what we do now count-at least to ourselves-and not still feel like, though we are moving forward, we are still standing unchanged since that very day. Forgiveness will fill the void and bridge the gap between what was and what is.
Mar 06, 2010 @ 17:24:43
Thanks Ash. These will be good words for Clark’s ears…he craves others thoughts and concerns for his well-being.
Mar 06, 2010 @ 17:34:50
Thanks Ash. These will be good words for Clark’s ears…he craves others thoughts and concerns for his well-being.
Mar 10, 2010 @ 10:37:47
Your text is excellent! My opinion is that from such feelings, a little sad, born the most beautiful works of art…
Mar 10, 2010 @ 14:59:27
That is so very true, Sarah Forex.
Mar 12, 2010 @ 19:43:29
Sara forex is very smart:)
Mar 17, 2010 @ 10:01:36
Hi Clark — and Lisa.
Forgiveness is too big to put into words, let alone handle or begin to understand by ourselves. I think an understanding — and perhaps the eventual granting of it — happen as life happens, and ‘forgiveness’ is called for in one situation after another. Little and big.
What does it really mean to forgive? Think through all you have forgiven — since you were very small. And then perhaps what you haven’t forgiven — apart from yourself.
That could be a start. It’s a process after all. I wouldn’t give up on it. Maybe just become more aware of when it’s happening and the release that follows. In small ways, for now.
And please keep writing. Sarah has it right — your paint with your words.
.-= Barb Hartsook´s last blog ..We Live Where Our Focus Is =-.
Mar 17, 2010 @ 10:06:34
Thanks for the encouragement, Barb. These words will be much appreciated.
Mar 24, 2010 @ 12:05:01
Forgiving always starts on one’s self. If you can’t forgive yourself, then you certainly can’t forgive others. It’s what you feel inside that drives you to forgive.
Apr 24, 2010 @ 16:05:16
Forgiving always starts on one’s self. If you can’t forgive yourself, then you certainly can’t forgive others. It’s what you feel inside that drives you to forgive.